Trendy America Bashing

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Want to score some college chicks? Besides offering them some Columbian Gold, there’s another way: Say bad things about America. Tell her that America is always “Up in everyone else’s business.” Use those exact words, too. They’re trendy, just like anti-Americanism. Do not–under any circumstances–explain to her why America gets involved so often around the world. Let her believe–indeed cultivate the myth–that the world would be better without America. Make sure to use the word, “Imperialism”, somewhere, somehow. Maybe even “White Imperialism”. 

Don’t let this make you think that the female Sociology major likes weak men, though. She’s tired of emo, hates pipe-cleaner arms, and despises someone who can’t take charge. She just wants everything to be magically better, in the far off dreamlands of wild Africa. She wants to sail off to Byzantium, but she wants a man by her side with the passions of Conan. 


Would this man sip lattes at the bistro? Yes, if it meant Gina from Phi Cappa thought it was cool.
Would this man sip lattes at the bistro? Yes, if it meant Gina from Phi Kappa thought it was cool.

This type of girl wants you to be rough and tough. She prefers vagaries, though. She doesn’t think dropping bombs on other countries is ever right. There just has to be some other way… She’ll wallow in Rousseau’s fantastical world, where ancient and illiterate man happily scoured the earth for plant foods, so that they would not have to bear the horrible screams of dying animals slaughtered for food. So far away in time and distance are these antediluvian folk, that surely they had no weapons for fighting. Do not at any point, bring up the story in Genesis about how Cain killed Abel. With a plain old rock. How do we regulate rocks? We should focus more on guns, because americans have lots of guns and it’s guns that are killing our citizenry. That and the corporate driven evils of smoking. She’ll tell you this as she lights up. It’s so much easier to blame the Evil Empire than it is to take responsibility for our own actions. Never, ever emphasize personal responsibility. So not cool. Oh yeah, and throw in some astrology, too. Chicks love that stuff. Tell her how our Founding Fathers weren’t really Christians, but lived their lives by reading the daily horoscope. The powerful Christian guilds were the ones that suppressed that truth….

Tell her we need to do things like the Europeans are doing them. Be very, very vague about this. Imply that this means free stuff for everyone, and a Utopian landscape where not only healthcare is free, but so are heroin needles, abortions and wind-based power. 

By now, if you’re properly juxtaposing your manliness with the foggy ideas of post-modern progressives, the girl is probably already thinking about what crude acts of copulation she wants to enact on you. You’re her dream date: Gore Vidal and Hugh Jackman all wrapped into one.

11 thoughts on “Trendy America Bashing

    Dawn Ravan said:
    June 14, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    I want so very much to be able to disagree. But I just can’t do it. In defense of college girls everywhere, though, I feel the need to say this: Every woman is born with a basic instinct to nurture and protect innocents. That instinct is not something we choose; it’s hard-wired in to who we are and it’s very, very strong. Can’t you see, then, how the phenomenon you describe makes sense? Everything that can potentially cause “harm” becomes evil: Cigarettes, guns, unequal health care, war, etc… And everything that can help us protect our innocents becomes good and desirable: Your Conan-the-Barbarian arms and your seething manliness, for example.
    Rather than rail against our seemingly hypocritical thought processes, just rejoice in the fact that we’re not the same as you. You can’t say that you don’t like it. At least it gives you something to write about.

    kernunos said:
    June 14, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    Somehow I can’t see you following through with the ruse full distance. Now if I could just build me a wind powered, solar abortion machine…..

    magus71 responded:
    June 14, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    oh i’m not railing against your thought process. as i said, i’m merely trying to helpb us conservative guys out by letting them know that college girls aren’t going to want to hear anything you want to say. but conservatives need lovin’ too.

    theNimrod said:
    June 14, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    oh this isn’t about women. I know straight liberal guys who’d be humping your leg if you whispered those words just right. good stuff

    kernunos said:
    June 15, 2009 at 3:53 am

    I don’t think we are disagreeing with you Dawn. I think Doug’s point is that these women like to hear certain things but usually are not attracted to a weenie of a man that actually believes these things.

    It’s like the Marlboro Man that works for Green Peace. Yeah right.

    I am glad we are different too.

    Amos Volante said:
    June 15, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    My lib-Democrat girlfriend’s reply when I asked her why she doesn’t just marry another libby-democrat-professor:

    “Because they’re boring”

    I believe she has a valid point.

    magus71 responded:
    June 16, 2009 at 3:55 am

    Only Conan and Kull types have really done anything in this world. The “intellectual” usually ends up being the minion of Conan, but the Hyborian King still calls the shots.

    Bill said:
    June 17, 2009 at 6:18 am


    Your statement about women being born with ia specific instinct (that ostensibly men aren’t born with) would really rile some of the militants I knew in undergrad. A man opening a door for a woman was considered major oppression – and any notion of genetic differences would make them apoplectic.


    Like usual you’re right on. I’ve noticed the pattern too – of younger people right out of college who really pour on the anti-americanism when they want to impress you – they think they’re showing how wordly and sophisticated they are by doing it. Seriously though – it’s something many will outgrow once they get out in the world.

    It’s sad/pathetic that for Bush’s tenure – the intelligentsia droned on and on about how all the Anti-Americanism was b/c of Bush and the war. They never explaned Nice for instance, or the anti-americanism we saw under Clinton, Bush Sr, Reagan, Carter etc. Bush was just a convenient excuse. More than the Anti-War stuff though is this yearning for socialized medicine. If I hear how we have the 37th worst healthcare in the world again – I’m going to go nuts. All those Europeans, Canadians, Chinese and South Americans coming here for health care are no doubt doing it b/c we have the world’s 37th best health care system.

    When it comes to war and aggressiion – I’ve found that mentioning things like “So you think we should keep our noses out of countries that kill people discovered to be homosexual?” “You think that a woman reporting rape should be flogged or killed and we should turn a blind eye to that?” “You think we should turn a blind eye to forced female circumcision huh – especially when it’s often done way after birth and without medication” That usually stops them in their tracks – they claim they ‘didn’t know’ and they’ll sometimes deny it – saying it’s propaganda – if you’re near a computer you can disavow them of such beliefs in a few seconds. You can really zing them if you ask them about hate crimes legislation, gay marriage and women’s rights laws. Then you point out “So you want laws to protect gays, minorities and women here in the states where each group has a strong lobby and sympathetic media – but in places where they have no voice and often get tortured and killed- you think we should but out – makes perfect sense”

    Another tack is “So when you were in ___________, you didn’t see the _________ (atrocity)” That usually leads to “the only time I’ve been out of the country was summer at Ibiza”

    Sociology is one of many areas that’s been completely coopted by leftists. English sadly has too – go look at the cirriculum of any well known university’s Sociology or English dept – you’ll see “Marxist_______” more than you can shake a stick at. Gender studies never teaches you about any atrocity happening to women except in the US – (I’ve heard it argued that the fact we don’t completely fund all abortions for poor women is proof we’re an aparthied country). Universities on the whole have went way left.

    You and I are the same age I believe. We were in college at the pinnacle of the leftist take over. I mean, betwen my freshman and senior years, I saw this insane shift – and all my friends’ schools underwent the same thing – speech codes, political correctness (come to think of it – I remember SERIOUS protests about the first Gulf War), ____(gender, race, sex) Studies depts propping up. I just hope it’s more of a pendulum swinging back and forth than a slippery slope.

    T. J. Babson said:
    June 17, 2009 at 1:29 pm

    She’s not worth it.

    magus71 responded:
    June 17, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    You’re right, T.J.

    Haha nice said:
    November 4, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    Hither came Conan the cimmarian black hair sullen eyed sword in hand a thief a reaver a slayer with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth to tread the jeweled thrones of the earth under his sandalled feet-The Nemedian chronicles

    this part of a longer paragraph talking of conans world and then him self is one the best parts of the conan saga because it pulls you rate in I alwase wanted the strength and ability of conan but I never thought about his personality! ha!

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