The complainers and the cynics won

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They were right, the cynics. America just wasn’t good enough. At least its health care wasn’t. Neither were its white people. Apparently the only thing good enough was the central government.

This is the saddest state I’ve seen this country. It’s amazing really, a country now controlled by a bunch of theorists who went to France on vacation and came back with some deluded ideas about free health care.

Being the best just wasn’t good enough for a lot of people. After all, we were only the best because of all the evil, cheating Americans, greedy business men who made the poor stay in ghettos. And we fought so many wars.

Smug Europeans, who 50 years ago had the choice of the Nazi goose step or the communist one. France? They wanted to be Nazis. “The Germans are here! Yayy! Oh, the Americans are here, too! Yayy!” Pretty French girls tossed flowers at the feet of German storm troopers in the streets of Paris while their men sat confused at the Maginot Line. The French are bitter to this day about that embarassment. Losing wars withers the soul of a country.

Then there’s the Italians. Boy did we whip the hell out of the Italians in WWII. No one even really remembers that. The Germans had to come fight for them. More Teutonic boys with Prussian souls. And so we killed off all the German alpha males, so now you’ll see more German Emo men than German Soldiers.

In the end though, I guess it’s the Europeans who won. We seem to want to copy them in everything. We like their hospitals, though most have never been to one. We like the fact that they don’t fight wars–because America fights them for them. There’d be no war without the US, right? Americans just like spending trillions of dollars and thousands of their sons’ lives in third-word hell holes. It’s so fun. We should copy the Europeans and do nothing for them, like they do for America.

Thank you cynics and Proto-Marxists. You’ve given me everything a 21 year old journalism major could ever want.

2 thoughts on “The complainers and the cynics won

    kernunos said:
    January 5, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    I will take Madison over Marx anyday. They will be blaming this on G.W. Bush until the next century.

    […] Doug is one of the best bloggers I read and he’s certainly way underrated.  It’s hard to understand how he always manages to post such intelligent and thought provoking material.  Simple and concise, Doug outdid himself with this… […]

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