First off, I’m not a doctor. I’m not responsible for any health benefits you may gain from not following the rules your unhealthy doctor gives you. You know, like, don’t eat meat, don’t go out in the sun and don’t drink.
Want to join me in my health heresy? Do what I do:
- Eat plenty of meat, fat and all. Atkins was a genius and unafraid of the truth.
- Skip a meal every now and again. Believe me, not eating food is not the reason people’s health is suffering in America.
- Drink coffee. Remember when it was bad for you? Turns out it’s not. It has tons of anti-oxidants, and apparently significantly reduces the chances of dementia and some types of cancer.
- Drink alcohol. Lower your chances of heart disease and dementia with moderate consumption.
- Get some sun. People in higher longitudinal areas have higher rates of cancer. The magic is in the vitamin D–a hormone not a vitamin really. Makes you happy too. Don’t use sun screen unless you think you’ll burn.
Do these and the Inquisition may be knocking on your door wondering why you look and act a decade younger than you really are. But if you want to age quickly, simply eat lots of sugar like most other people do.