Women and attention

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Over the years I’ve noticed something about women: they require an incredible amount of attention compared to men.  Years ago when I was regularly playing men’s slow pitch softball, several men on my team would not be able to play in weekend tournaments or would say that they got into an argument with their girlfriend or spouse over the games.  The woman did not want her man to play.  No plans were cancelled because of the tournaments that I can remember.  She simply wanted the husband or boyfriend to “be around”.  And please know that in Maine where I played, the softball season is quite short and there are not many tournaments, even in the summer.

Even today I see examples of women who get angry at their husbands if their attention wanders from the woman.  For instance, if a man plays video games, or wants to read a book, or even just have some coffee with a buddy, many of these women become quite upset.

This is an extraordinary need for control and attention.  If the roles were reversed, and a man were telling a woman what she can and can’t do with her time, it’s easy to imagine the cliche’ responses from the woman’s friends.  Obviously everyone needs attention, but I have seen cases where a woman will create a need right after her husband becomes distracted by something other than her.

All of this leads me to believe that the feminist movement didn’t in fact make many women independent.  It may have made them more powerful, but this is something different than independence.

I believe much of this is the result of the massive changes in our culture over the last 50 years.  What is the “role” of a man and woman in the family environment?  In Army parlance, what is their lane?  Lincoln stated, “A house divided cannot stand.” What for instance, is the mechanism for dispute resolution in many of today’s households? It is separation and divorce.  In my grandmother’s day, that was not the answer.  When she and my grandfather disagreed on something, my grandfather was the final arbiter on what flew and what didn’t .  Today, many disputes result in persistent conflict because there are no cultural rules as to how they are resolved.  Divorce rates have skyrocketed in the last 100 years of our county’s history, though they have co0me down a bit in the last couple of decades.

I once heard someone say: “No one knows how to be a parent when their first child is born.”  And they are mostly correct.  However, people used to know how to be parents, because they were taught how things ought to be from a very early age.  Now, we reinvent the wheel with every birth and we’re paying dearly for this.  We have witnessed the advent of the adolescent adult.  Men don’t grow up until they’re 40 in some cases.  And so it is with how women act now.  There are no rules.  They make it up as they go along.

I meet more and more men who just don’t want to be in relationships anymore.  Most of them have come to the conclusion that if the relationship is not going to make their lives better, what’s the point?  The result is fewer marriages and fewer children, and more unhappy people in my opinion.  Despite everything, women are more unhappy than before the onslaught of Second Wave Feminism. 

Militant egalitarianism is making us miserable.  No organization can succeed if there are no rules and everyone is in charge.

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5 thoughts on “Women and attention

    Royce said:
    August 20, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    I have been married for 49+ years to the same woman and we have three children and seven grandchildren. And yes — I guess I come from a different era because the idea of divorce is repugnant to me. My wife and I both at the very outset determined that if the other asked for a divorce we would agree — since neither ever asked we just kept on marching. As we look back over the ups and downs we realize we have had a wonderful marriage and a golden life compared to many and we would do it over in a heartbeat.

    What is the role of each party in a marriage? That’s a good question and the idea that marriage should be a life of total happiness without any sacrifice is unrealistic. Every child needs a father and a mother no matter what the politically correct say. In every marriage there are things that fall into the responsibility of the husband — e.g. taking out the trash and killing spiders while others become the wife’s responsibility e.g bandaging cuts and picking out paint colors. Obviously both partners are capable of doing all of these but a marriage requires sharing. Being a parent is no small task either and it too is filled with tears and laughter. Frankly I think this idea of shared custody, same sex parents, and single parent homes is part of the root cause of your concerns. Women and moms need a husband and father to lean on but it is also vice versa. If I had to give up softball for my wife and children I would, but then I can’t even imagine that my wife would even ask me to do that. We have tried to set a good example and I think we have. My son has been married for 25 years, my older daughter 22 years, and my youngest daughter has been married for 10 years. I know that you are married and have children — I wish you and your wife the best and urge you to stick with it when things get tough — because they will get better and better.

    Lou said:
    August 20, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    Twenty years ago, my husband and I decided to raise our children in a very different way. People were aghast. We chose Christian homeschool. that is not so weird, but we went a bit further. With our children, we decided that they would not “date,” but would “court” with parental involvement in the whole process. Our children were raised in a church full of people with similar views on dating vs courtship. I could explain the hows and whys, but that is not my point right now. Courtship worked well for my son. He courted and married a lovely young woman from our fellowship. It has not worked so well for many of the girls in the fellowship. Courtship takes courage – courage to meet and talk with a father, adhere to his rules, adhere to the Father’s rules, etc. Turns out not too many guys want to go through the hassle – especially when there are plenty of secular girls who make things very easy. Many of the young men in our church balked at courtship and dated and married secular women. It was a much easier process, and most are divorced now. The result is that we have a whole passel of young, godly ladies who are waiting for Christian men who will walk the walk and be men. Ladies who were raised to be strong, courageous Christians, but be submissive wives and loving homemakers. So far, there seems to be no young men who have that kind of courage when they can settle for less. It sounds to me like these guys you play softball with have settled for less.

    magus71 responded:
    August 21, 2012 at 12:25 am

    Good comments, both Lou and Royce.

    SexAndWaffles said:
    September 22, 2012 at 6:30 am

    Magus–I believe you have read a few of my blogs, so you probably already have an idea of where I stand on this issue, but I thought I might throw in my voice anyway. I strongly believe that women today have seized the opportunity to take advantage of men, and do it as often as possible, both before and after a relationship begins. Although men aren’t completely the victims (you have to be willing, right?), it is still a despicable scheme that the women run. My therapist believes that I am basing my umbrella stereotype on just a few women or on media, since I associate mostly with men–but it is always the men who share this inside information, like you have, that tells me what women are really doing to them.

    Regardless of what kind of excuses a woman makes, expecting a man to be and do everything for her and with her at all times is absolute madness. An unacceptable level of selfishness.

    StereoTyping « Sex And Waffles said:
    October 1, 2012 at 1:59 am

    […] when he finally escapes.  I am one of them.  Many of their tales run very similar to this:  Women and attention. (Credit: Magus71 via […]

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