Humor
Awesome beer quotes–I’ll have another…
- “A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.”-W.C. Fields
- “No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.”-John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough
- “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”-Dave Barry
- “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”-Benjamin Franklin
- “I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.”-Abraham Lincoln
- “I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.-Homer Simpson
- “”I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”-Frank Sinatra
- “I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I’ve lost 30 pounds.”-Ernest Hemingway
- “A quart of ale is a dish for a king.”-William Shakespeare
- “Make sure that the beer – four pints a week – goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.”-Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944
General McChrystal never had a chance
Let us consider the following:
Stanley McChrystal is brought in to save a collapsing Afghan war effort. General McKiernan, the former man in charge and a man with 30 years of service to his country, is unceremoniously dumped.
McChrystal was supposed to represent the new administration’s fresh start.
But wait.
McChrystal wants how many troops? We absolutely love Counter Insurgency, with its false promises (they’re false because they’re misinterpreted; watch how many Taliban get smoked under Patraeus–lots and lots) of winning the war by merely ordering our troops to smile while on patrol. Yes, yes, CI. But how many soldiers on the ground? 80,000 seems so…warlike.
No, General, you’ll get less than half what you say you need, and you’ll like it. We really only put you in place to show our fresh perspective to Americans. Out with the old, in with the new. And, just to keep you honest, we’re setting a timeline. 18 months.
In other words, General, we want you to do the impossible. And if you begin to falter, you’re such an easy political target. You’re a military guy afterall, and the Dems are in power. We know what that means, don’t we? We’ll make it look as if you stole those 4 stars you’re wearing. Sure we’ll throw you a couple of bones, talk about your brave service and sacrifice, then we’ll showboat for the media, tell them who’s in charge. Us. Well, us and the media.
Never mind that ambassador Karl Eickenberry was undermining McChrystal from the beginning. Eickenberry’s a civilian. He does what he wants. And he works for the State Department, the favorite department of the Dems.
Hey, we don’t care that the civilians weren’t working as a team with the military. It’s up to the military to work as a team with the civilians. We let McChrystal come up with a strategy and then threw in some civilians who wanted to do everything differently, sure. That’s not the point.
This is how things should be right here. Watch this video. This guy in the black suit knew who the boss was. He was a REAL soldier.
OK, I’m back. It’s no longer the thin-skinned, confused Democrat talking. It’s me, Magus. See, I agree with almost everything Karl Eikenberry had to say. But just who is it that’s not promoting team work? How should McChrystal feel if Eikenberry is sending classified letters to the White House explaining why McChrystal’s tactics are wrong? It’s been a patchwork war. We want Counter Insurgency, then we take away the tools needed for CI: time and lots of soldiers. CI wouldn’t be my choice, because Afghanistan is not important enough for the investment. But if I was a 4-Star, and the President said make it happen, I’d say Ok, now give me a decade and 100,000 troops.
We set McChrystal up for failure. The media is predictably piling on, like they do every time someone’s down, trying to make McChrystal look like an idiot. He was misused. He should have been directing Spec Ops to kill our enemies. Instead, we made a killer into a constable. Then we gave him half the cops he asked for.
Super-Duper Secret plan aimed to–GASP!–kill people who were trying to kill us!
Those bad, bad Neocons from the Bush administration were even worse than we suspected. Nancy Pelosi and Dianne Feinstein tell us so, and how could we not believe any of the words that pour from Pelosi’s botoxed face?
She just seems soooo happy, nowadays! Everyone’s forgotten the fact that Nancy likes to waterboard bad people–unless her new and shiny president doesn’t. And he doesn’t. So Nancy doesn’t, and never did.

An Ultra-Black Operation has recently been outed. And myyyy goodness it’s a whopper. Makes the US government’s use of biological weapons in mass experiments on American citizens look like paddy cake. Know what Cheney knew about, and didn’t even have the decency to tell Nancy? Huh? Can you guess? The US military was trying to kill Al-Qaeda’s leadership! The nerve!
Now, this super-secret plan didn’t actually manage to kill anyone. The US government decided that using Predator drones was better, quicker and safer. But still. Nancy should have been let in on everything that she could possibly use to take the heat off herself.
Now let’s take a look at the way our military is killing our enemies everyday. It’s the program that’s killed hundreds if not thousands of Taliban and Al-Qaeda militants, endorsed by Bush and Cheney. And Nancy knew about it, too! We need an investigation!
Trendy America Bashing
Want to score some college chicks? Besides offering them some Columbian Gold, there’s another way: Say bad things about America. Tell her that America is always “Up in everyone else’s business.” Use those exact words, too. They’re trendy, just like anti-Americanism. Do not–under any circumstances–explain to her why America gets involved so often around the world. Let her believe–indeed cultivate the myth–that the world would be better without America. Make sure to use the word, “Imperialism”, somewhere, somehow. Maybe even “White Imperialism”.
Don’t let this make you think that the female Sociology major likes weak men, though. She’s tired of emo, hates pipe-cleaner arms, and despises someone who can’t take charge. She just wants everything to be magically better, in the far off dreamlands of wild Africa. She wants to sail off to Byzantium, but she wants a man by her side with the passions of Conan.

This type of girl wants you to be rough and tough. She prefers vagaries, though. She doesn’t think dropping bombs on other countries is ever right. There just has to be some other way… She’ll wallow in Rousseau’s fantastical world, where ancient and illiterate man happily scoured the earth for plant foods, so that they would not have to bear the horrible screams of dying animals slaughtered for food. So far away in time and distance are these antediluvian folk, that surely they had no weapons for fighting. Do not at any point, bring up the story in Genesis about how Cain killed Abel. With a plain old rock. How do we regulate rocks? We should focus more on guns, because americans have lots of guns and it’s guns that are killing our citizenry. That and the corporate driven evils of smoking. She’ll tell you this as she lights up. It’s so much easier to blame the Evil Empire than it is to take responsibility for our own actions. Never, ever emphasize personal responsibility. So not cool. Oh yeah, and throw in some astrology, too. Chicks love that stuff. Tell her how our Founding Fathers weren’t really Christians, but lived their lives by reading the daily horoscope. The powerful Christian guilds were the ones that suppressed that truth….
Tell her we need to do things like the Europeans are doing them. Be very, very vague about this. Imply that this means free stuff for everyone, and a Utopian landscape where not only healthcare is free, but so are heroin needles, abortions and wind-based power.
By now, if you’re properly juxtaposing your manliness with the foggy ideas of post-modern progressives, the girl is probably already thinking about what crude acts of copulation she wants to enact on you. You’re her dream date: Gore Vidal and Hugh Jackman all wrapped into one.
Carrie Prejean for president
My girlfriend wouldn’t approve if I asked Ms. California, Carrie Prejean to marry me, but I will vote for her in the next presidential election.
